


The Adventures of Hex Ryder

by HecateRyder



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Eventual Smut, F/M, Shorts, Slow Burn, Snippets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-11 21:08:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10474461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HecateRyder/pseuds/HecateRyder
Summary: Her name is Hecate Ryder, Initiative Pathfinder, unwilling hero, knife enthusiast, melodramatic fatalist, gloomy introvert, and occasional asshole.  Watch her go around giving hope to people, whether she wants to or not, while confusing irritatingly emotionally available aliens.It's gonna be a bumpy ride.Just a series of shorts, snippets, whatever you want to call them.  Following the storyline of Mass Effect Andromeda, maybe some after.  Some leaps in logic will be made to fill in information we don't have.  If that ends up diverging from canon, oh well.  I don't actually care that much.





	1. Chapter 1

"I don't want him on my ship."

Hecate had been brooding over it for the last hour, and while she'd already acknowledged it was going to happen, that didn't mean she was happy about it. Reaching into the bag of cereal, she dug out a handful.

"Pretty sure he's already on. You did say you were all right with it." Liam replied, glancing over his shoulder toward the kitchen door, "What's the problem? Jaal seems all right."

Cramming her mouth full of cereal meant she didn't have to answer right away, chewing away as Liam reached over and took the bag. She was trying to think of a response that didn't make her sound like a sullen child, but at least this was Liam and not Cora.

She didn't have to try so hard around him.

"Best behavior." She finally said after swallowing, as succinctly as she could manage.

"Right." Liam said lazily, and then shook his head, "Well, I can't blame you for that one. A lot of pressure, best foot forward and all that."

"It's my ship. This is the only place where I _don't_ have to behave. I have to behave on the Nexus, I have to behave on Eos, I have to behave _everywhere_." She groused, grabbing the cereal as Liam offered it back.

"So let him see the real you, the real...us. They're going to see eventually anyways. We've got to learn to get along, right? So it might be awkward at first. We're all just figuring each other out."

She'd heard a lot of terrible ideas in her day, and that was up there. The real her? She knew better than that.

"You think I should?" Hex said flatly, staring across the table as she dug in the bag. "You think I should show our self-appointed angaran envoy, the guy who's figuring out if we're worth a damn or not, the real me."

"Got to see it eventually." Liam declared, lifting his shoulders in a shrug.

"Not looking for a war, Liam."

"I don't know, he has a point. You might want to put on some pants, though." Peebee interjected from the counter she was sitting on, glancing up from her omnitool, "Just a thought."

Frowning, Hex pulled her bare legs up under her t-shirt, yanking it down to her calves as she tucked her feet onto the chair.

Peebee laughed sarcastically, and shook her head. "Not better, Ryder."

"It's my ship." Hex repeated pointedly, and then sighed and slumped forward, forehead hitting the table, the cold doing very little to clear her mind, "Life is an endless void of despair. Bleak and unyielding."

"That's what you said when they didn't have any Blast-Os." Liam said, reaching over and pulling the bag of cereal off of her hand, "And when they couldn't find your locker."

"And when that bug exploded all over you." Peebee interjected.

"They _still_ haven't found my locker."

That one rankled. She'd been able to bring so little, and somehow in the chaos hers had gone missing. Not that she'd been thinking about 'stuff' when the Hyperion was nearly destroyed, but now things were more settled, and she missed it.  
If someone had stolen it, there would be hell to pay.

"You've been harping on that for ages. What did you even bring with you that was so important?" Peebee asked, grabbing the edge of the counter with both hands and hopping down off of it, "I bet whatever it is, Vetra could replace it in no time. Or you could go pull some strings yourself."

"Not this." Hex replied grimly, shaking her head, against the table, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Surprise, surprise," Peebee declared flippantly, turning to face them as she walked backwards through the sliding kitchen door, "Ryder doesn't want to talk about something."

"Hypocrite." Hex replied flatly, and then got a very human one-fingered gesture in return before the door slid shut, "Liam I'm going to snap from stress and bite someone's face off."

"Try Drack. Doubt he'd even notice." Liam suggested, and then grinned at her very grudging smile, "It'll be fine. Just show him what you can do. They've been dealing with the kett, haven't they? All we gotta do is show them...that they're not alone."

"And that we're not just as bad." She pointed out grimly, and then sighed and picked at her handful of cereal, "This shouldn't be me, Liam. It should be Orion."

He didn't say anything for a couple of seconds, as she picked at the cereal. She wasn't sure if he didn't know what to say, or if he just didn't have anything to say. Dad probably would have said she was damaging his trust in her or something. Give them something to believe in, blah blah...

But Liam had been there. Been there when dad and Orion...since the beginning, and if she couldn't talk to him, who could she talk to?

Probably no one, if she was smart.

"Did you go to see him?" Liam finally asked.

"Yeah. No change. He's never slept in in his life...sure picked a bad time to do it." Hex said, lips tightening, before deciding, "This isn't useful. I'm going to go brood in my quarters until we get to Havarl. Tell Sam if I'm needed for anything."

"Will do." Liam declared, lifting the box of cereal in salute as she rose for the table and headed for he door.

It slid open before she'd even taken a first step- though that would have been nearly enough to get her there. She liked the Tempest, but the kitchen was a bit...cramped. She was expecting Drack, but it was Jaal standing in the doorway, peering down at her.

Strange, the familiarity of those features. It wasn't what she'd been thinking of at all, when she'd considered the fancy of running into another sentient species out here. It wasn't the differences that bothered her, really, but the...similarities.

It really confused her that they'd come six hundred years across the galaxy, only to run into another species that followed the whole 'two legs, two eyes' pattern. Suvi probably would have something to say about that. Normally she would have just gone on her way, but, well...

He was blocking the doorway.

"What?" She asked expectantly, and then fought back instincts and finished a lot more politely, begrudgingly, "...can I do for you?"

"I have put my things in the tech lab. I hope that is acceptable to you?" Jaal replied, eyes fixed on her in that disconcertingly direct way he had.

She avoided them, staring off past his left shoulder.

"Sure, why not. Just make sure you record what you brought on board." She muttered, taking a half step forward, "Excuse me, please."

He stepped back and out of the way, still watching her as she shuffled out and turned for her quarters. Way more space than she needed. As much as she loved this ship, she really didn't know why the kitchen was so small, and she had so much room. Maybe they could retrofit it and turn half of her quarters into a dining room or something.

"Did I...did I say something to offend h..."

Jaal's words to Liam were cut off as the door slid closed behind her, blocking off the rest of the ship. Silence wasn't good enough, but it was something. It didn't give her what she needed, what she wanted. All these people depending on her, and someone had stolen her outlet from her.

The unfairness of it was almost laughably predictable.

"Any word from the Hyperion, Sam?" She asked, yanking her t-shirt over her head, throwing it onto the bed as she passed.

Might as well get dressed if the universe was going to keep conspiring against her like this.

"No, Pathfinder. There has been no change." Sam replied quietly.

Luckily, Sam didn't expect an answer. Maybe her dad in the brain was right, maybe she should be keeping these things to herself. Liam didn't need to be her dumping ground, and Cora would just be disappointed in her even more if she complained.

She didn't need that.

What she did need was her brother here, to take over. People liked him, things they were forcing on her shoulders would have come naturally to him. Giving 'hope', encouraging people, making speeches and leading the way. He was charismatic.

Hex was...not.

"It shouldn't be me." She said, hearing her voice catch, crack.

Turning to lean against the wall, she slowly slid down it, finally landing on her rear as the weight in her chest pushed her down. The light from outside was a bit blinding for a moment, reflecting off the bed, making her eyes ache. She closed them, blocking it out, and drew up her bare legs.

Letting the blank gray numbness wash over her, she rested her head on her knees, wrapped her arms around herself, and sat in silence.

She was grateful that Sam didn't say anything.

 

 

The dim light on Havarl made an already difficult fight even more complicated, but luckily the local wildlife seemed as fond of the natives as they did of her people. A three sided battle was easier than two against one.

That wasn't to say she didn't like the place. It was beautiful here, dark, strange, twisted and mysterious. The luminescent plants were her favorite part, even though people seemed to keep insisting they were dangerous. The world was awe-inspiring, in its eldritch way, and the warnings didn't deter that feeling at all.

She preferred a bit of danger.

Much like Aya, it was a shame that this place belonged to the angara, but they didn't come here to kick people out of their homes-- especially not one as important to them as this place. Maybe the plants would thrive somewhere else. She'd have to find someone who might know.

Filling all that empty space in her quarters with plants would be nice.

"What did you call these guys?" Hex asked, crouching down slowly, hands on her knees as she stared at the body splayed in front of her.

"Roekaar." Jaal replied, the word rolling off of his tongue.

"I didn't come here to fight your people." She said, trying not to sound as irritated with it as she felt, "Is there any way to get them to stand down?"

"The Roekaar...hate aliens. They see little difference between your people and the kett, and their leader Akksul..." Jaal said, staring down at the corpse she was hovering over, "No. It will not be possible."

"Anything's possible, if you stretch the meaning enough." She countered out of habit, and then frowned.

That was one of Orion's favorite things to say, usually when she was being negative. Great. This whole pathfinding thing was turning her into Perky Patty. Lip service at best, but sometimes that's what people needed. Part of the job, even if it made her want to gag.

"Let's just avoid them as much as we can, then. No point riling them up and having to kill them. They're not going to hurt your people, are they?"

Curiously, she tucked her fingers under the corpse's chin and tilted it up, staring intently. Sure, she could scan him, but some things were better left to eyes and hands. Definitely a skull in there, and a brain, which made it pretty likely...

"No. They will not...what exactly are you doing?" Jaal asked, sounding vaguely disturbed.

"Artery." She replied absent-mindedly, hand instinctively reaching for her knife, and then stopping, "Would you be offended if I cut this guy's throat? He is already dead."

"It...disturbs me that you would ask that." Jaal replied, which was probably answer enough.

"You'll get used to it." Vetra finally said, glancing up from rifling through a crate of ammunition.

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

Hex didn't bother answering as she dropped the head, rising slowly to her feet. Well, there would be chances to figure out where the artery was later, and if all else failed she could check the scans. For the trunk and location of the organs, too. If just cutting the guy's throat bothered him, stripping him naked to examine his chest would probably annoy him as well.

Ugh, so many _rules_. Politics were the worst.

She really preferred getting some hands-on experience, so she didn't go cutting the wrong thing in the middle of a fight. Or even worse, failing to cut something.

"Ryder. Here." Vetra called, drawing her attention over, "One of their knives."

That drew her out of her irritation at last, as she hopped to her feet and paced over. Taking it from Vetra, she examined the textured metal handle critically. No toggles, no buttons...in fact, it felt pretty solid. Just a knife, albeit a nice looking one.

"How does it work?" She finally asked, glancing over at Jaal, who was watching her with open curiosity, "I don't see any mechanism."

"Work? It is called a firaan. You...stab people with it. I suspect you know how to do that." Jaal declared with no hint of sarcasm.

"I mean the...electricity thing. I got hit with one somewhere in that skirmish, they've got a real jolt." Hex replied, turning it over, "Or was that a different one?"

"Ah!  No. That was not the firaan." Jaal said, holding out his hand.

She resisted for a couple of seconds, and then finally sighed and flipped it around, offering the handle to him. He took it from her with care, and then turned it over, examining it.

"A well-made blade! If you would like one, however, we could find you a better example." He said, and then it crackled to life, with the blue-white energy humming along the edge of the blade that she'd barely had time to notice before. "As I was saying, it is not the firaan, but the angaran."

"Bioelectricity...ah, right." She said, the words escaping just short of a sigh, both disappointment and interest, "Sam mentioned it...you can focus it consciously?"

"Yes." Jaal said, and the faint light flickered out, as he turned the knife over and offered it back, "The firaan is designed to take advantage of it. Focus it, as you said."

The knife was still interesting enough to keep, she did like to collect them, but it was too bad it wasn't a shock n' stabber. Maybe they could figure something out. Of course, the whole conversation brought up a lot of other intriguing ideas, which could be shelved for now.

"As interesting as this is, we'd better get moving before a patrol shows up to find out what the hell happened." Vetra said, interrupting her thoughts, "If you want to avoid them, we have to keep moving."

The turian turned and started heading for the stairs, picking her way through the thick undergrowth. Made Hex wish she was a little taller, hopping over roots and clambering over boxes really did slow things down.

As she started following herself, dodging a stack of crates pitted by the firefight, she slid the knife away into a spare pocket. Picking up her pace, she eventually hustled to get caught up, leaving Jaal to follow.  He seemed to be taking a minute to examine a piece of equipment, but he'd proven he could take care of himself, so she wasn't going to babysit him.

"I sort of want to ask him to shock me." She admitted quietly aside to the turian, who glanced down at her and snickered, "What, you don't think I should? Maybe it'd be like a joy buzzer. You ever seen those?"

"Yeah, I know'em. I don't know, Ryder. Maybe asking the angaran guide to electrocute you isn't the greatest idea." Vetra said, still with a laugh in her voice, "Might have to get your joy buzzed some other way."

"I bet you it's like licking a battery." Hex replied slyly, fighting back a smirk as Vetra started laughing again, reaching over to shove her shoulder, sending her staggering back a step, sending her offbalance. "Hey!"

"Where's the savior of the Initiative? Oh, that would be the Pathfinder. She's over there licking the natives." Vetra said as she started up the stairs, voice heavy with sarcasm.

"We call those diplomatic relations." Hex said, forcing out the joke through a sudden souring of mood, "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I've saved precisely nothing."

 _'We're probably all still going to die horribly.'_ Her mind finished, but she knew enough to keep that part to herself. That wasn't the sort of thing Pathfinders were supposed to say.

"Eos might disagree." Vetra replied, but wisely dropped it.

Hex was grateful for that.

As Jaal caught up, conversation died, and they forged onward into the thick, tangled forest of Havarl. The lights of looming Remnant structures led the way to their destination, grim determination replacing curiosity and awe. It was still beautiful, but she couldn't really feel entranced by it any more.

It was only a matter of time until she failed.

 


	2. Chapter 2

"I changed my mind about Havarl, Lexi."

The exasperated sigh that Hecate got in response was expected. For once she liked to think she deserved it. The burning, vicious itch of her hand was still driving her insane, but she'd learned the hard way not to scratch. It felt like a thousand tiny hypodermic needles had been dug into her skin, and scratching made it burn even worse.

It wasn't the fun kind of discomfort, that was for certain.

"I don't know what possessed you to take off your gloves, and...and what exactly were you doing?" Lexi asked, finally rising from her computer, the dreaded injection in hand, "I've finished analyzing it, this should help with the allergic reaction. You're lucky it's not _worse._ "

The shot hurt, but less than the pain she was already in, and Lexi was nice enough to keep the physical contact to a minimum. As it spread through her system, the fierce stinging faded into a cool numbness at last, and she sighed in relief.

"I wanted to get some samples to bring home, and they looked...soft." She groused, still a little delirious, jittery and feeling close to overwhelmed, "And I'd just climbed out of a vault that yet again tried to kill me, and I haven't slept in something like thirty six hours. So I stopped to smell the flowers. Or...glowy alien plants, at least."

Taking off her gloves had been stupid, but she wasn't going to agree. It was the principle of the thing.

"Do I have to have a talk with Sam about reigning you in? What if you get yourself killed?" Lexi asked sharply, annoyance in her voice, "You're smarter than this."

"My impulsive nature is part of my fucking charm." Hecate mumbled, trying to keep her exhausted, overstimulated mind coherent enough to defend herself, "That was very strange, Lexi. I don't believe in that sort of thing, but it was spooky. Eerie, even."

"What, in reincarnation? It is a bit far fetched, but there may be a scientific explanation in the end. Perhaps it was something in the artifact you brought him that remained despite its destruction and the passage of time." Lexi replied, comfortingly even and firm, "I'm certain people will be jumping all over it to pick it apart, once the news spreads. People love a good mystery."

"You're just happy having your alien to poke at." Hex accused, pulling up slowly, glancing down at her hand, fiercely scarlet and scattered with tiny violet splotches of burst capillaries, "Is Jaal all right with your physicals? Not offended?"

"He has been very accommodating. Angaran physiology is quite fascinating. Sam has translated some texts for me." Lexi replied, a smile touching her lips, "It has been a chance to trade knowledge."

"He's very...friendly." She tried not to sound annoyed, but obviously failed. Lexi gave her a Look. "I did finish the job."

"The job is more than just shooting things and opening vaults, Hecate. Alec..." Lexi stopped when she noticed Hex's dark expression, and then sighed, "I'm sorry."

Yeah, there was a nerve there. She didn't feel up to talking about it, and she wasn't going to, either. They'd all just have to get used to that.

"Stick to doctoring." Hex said flatly, pushing up to her feet, trying not to wobble when her feet hit the ground, "I don't have the energy for a lecture right now."

Slumping towards the door, she paused and glanced over her shoulder. Lexi was watching her, but not with a frown like she'd expected. She actually looked a bit concerned, which bothered Hex more than it should.

"Can we please discuss the discrepancies in your medical record?"

Oh. That conversation. She'd been expecting it, actually surprised Lexi hadn't brought it up before. She'd probably been bursting with it for ages. With a sigh, she dragged herself back around to face the doctor.

"I'd rather not." Hex replied, shaking her head, "Why, you going to send it to the Nexus? Maybe have me replaced?"

"I hadn't planned on it, no. Is that why you had them altered?" Lexi asked patiently.

"I didn't." The flat response seemed to surprise the asari , a grimly dark humor quirking up Hex's lips, "My father did. Why don't you take it up with him?"

"If you'll just let me know your..." Lexi started, and then sighed as Hex shook her head slowly, pointedly, "Very well, but we will have that discussion sooner or later."

" _Great._ Looking forward to it. Am I safe to take a dose of dronabinol?"

"Yes, you should be, that was just an antihistamine. You're lucky that plant didn't leave anything behind in your skin. If you notice any adverse reactions, please come back right away. I'd advise against self-medicating, but we can discuss that another time."

"I had a long day, Lexi."

"I know, Hex. Do what you need to." Lexi replied, with a faint, somewhat tense smile.

Hecate managed a nod, turning for the doors again, pulling up the hood of her sweatshirt. Probably had been not the greatest idea to hit the shower before going to Lexi, but she had been hoping that cleaning it off would take care of it.

At least it was only an allergic reaction, and not something worse.

"And make sure you take your vitamins!" Lexi called after her as she wandered into the corridor.

Letting out a heavy breath through her nose, Hex shook her head and continued down the corridor. The kitchen door was open, Cora and Jaal having some sort of conversation from what she could hear. Fun. Well, she'd have to brave it.

Not feeling up for food, but a drink with a dose would calm her down enough to sleep. She ducked her chin down and squinted as she entered the kitchen, avoiding the brighter lights.

"Are you...particularly religious?" Cora was asking as she wandered in, voice a little cautious.

Rather than interrupt, Hecate just lifted a hand in an approximation of a wave, hoping body language and the hood would be enough indication that she wasn't feeling chatty.

"Ah, no. If I were, I expect I would be feeling less unnerved. I wouldn't call myself an..." Jaal paused to chuckle, and continued in a less solemn voice, " _active_ skeptic either, however." He then added, glancing over in her direction, "Hello, Ryder."

Oh, right, body language, not exactly universal was it? Well, her tired brain had thought it would work, but tired brain wasn't exactly smart brain. She just lifted a hand again, hoping that'd do the job, and grabbed down a mug and a packet of the tea Vetra had found her along with the dronabinol.

She'd had Sam check it over for her. Not that she didn't trust Vetra, but she didn't trust the people Vetra traded with. Better safe than sorry when dumping things into your own system.

"I've always been more engaged with philosophy, myself." Cora interjected hastily, earning her a couple of brownie points, "If you'd like, I could send you some things."

"Thank you." Jaal said, nodding his head, "I appreciate you spending time speaking with me, you're a very insightful and intelligent woman."

"Thank you. That's...very kind of you to say." Cora replied, sounding the slightest bit offbalance.

"And what about you, Ryder? Would you consider yourself religious? The information sent from the Nexus left out a great deal of cultural information."

Oh, great. He was going to be _polite_ and try to include her. She really should have waited until they left the kitchen, but she really needed to get this into her. Dropping the tea packet into the mug, she reached into the pocket of her sweatshirt and fished out the small phial of liquid, giving it a little shake before working it open.

"I've always considered myself less religious, more sacrilegious." She joked flatly, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

"I'm curious why you would say that?"

Nope. Of course it wasn't that easy.

"I use all of the swears, but say none of the prayers." Hex replied, tipping the phial into her tea, Cora's immediate laughter managing to eke out the barest hint of a smile as she glanced over at them.

Jaal just made a 'hmh' of understanding and smiled, glancing over as Cora laughed. As much as she didn't want to make a fuss about it, she might as well explain the joke. It was a good damn joke.

"It rhymes, for us." She begrudgingly informed him, immediately turning back when he shifted his attention over.

"Ah! One of the disadvantages of translation." Jaal declared, shaking his head, "The lack of such nuance is well worth it for the convenience, but the loss is...unfortunate."

"Oh no, I bet he's a pun guy." Hex groused, lifting her cup and taking a long sip, still facing the counter. If she turned around, she'd have to make eye contact. This was preferable.

The non-caffeinated tea mix was nice, as was the warmth. It'd take the dose a bit to kick in, but even the ritual was comforting in its own way, placebo or no. She could feel some of the discomfort fading already.

"I find them to be amusing, yes! A bit of clever wordplay is always enjoyable. It's good to know that it exists in other cultures, even if it doesn't translate." Jaal replied, and then asked Cora, "Is that somewhere our species differ, in our enjoyment of them?"

"Some people enjoy them, some other people...not quite as much."

"And some of us just have a naturally dour disposition, and hate joy." Hecate added dryly, taking another long sip of her tea, "Funny, how individuals can differ so much."

"Hate...joy?" Jaal asked, sounding utterly stunned.

"She's joking. It's a joke." Cora said quickly, "Aren't you, Ryder?"

"Yeah, sure." She said, begrudgingly reminding herself of the whole 'best foot forward' thing again, "Must not translate. I'm tired, that was a long trek. I'm going to go get some sleep."

Hex didn't wait for a reply.

Stepping into her quarters helped, the doors closing out any noise, the lights low. Sadly, that meant her mind just started going, rolling over 'what if's again and again as she drained her tea and moved for the bed. What if it wasn't enough? What if she couldn't find the right thing to say to Evfra? She could handle the fighting, but forging alliances? No way.

What if it all went wrong at the worst possible time?

Setting the mug aside, she sat down on the edge of the bed, staring down at her hands in her lap. The redness was fading, leaving behind pinpricks of blood spilled under the skin. They'd be gone in no time, though.

She'd be no worse for the wear.

"Any word from the Hyperion, Sam?" She asked, waiting for the numbness to take over and quiet the voices in her head.

"There has been no change. Hecate, it would be wise to confide in the doctor."

"Wisdom's never been my strong suit, Sam." She responded, and then sighed and closed her eyes, "If the ship explodes, let me know."

"If the ship explodes, you will be dead. Sleep well."

 

For what felt like the first time since she'd been thawed out, Hex laughed.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Hex had finally found somewhere she could relax a little.

Cora had drawn ahead of them as they headed out through Kadara Port, hustling her way back towards the ship. She'd been in a hurry to get back to it. Didn't seem to like the town. Hex found the weather a lot better than Eos, at least.

Also, the local attitudes were a bit less expectant of good behavior, which was why she felt like she could breathe again.

It had been a quick trip in, a brief survey of the badlands and communicating with the local color, but then they'd gotten word it was time to head to their angaran rendezvous. Rescuing the Moshae had to be a priority. She'd gotten Evfra to agree to let her help, though it had been touch and go.

She was really not good with situations like that. Had to hide in her quarters for a bit afterwards to cool down and relax. Hex was still pretty sure he hated her--which she didn't blame him for-- but this would help.

And once they had the Moshae, she could finally get rid of Jaal and get into that vault.  Even more than getting rid of the too-friendly angaran thorn in her side, she had to get into Aya's vault.  There was too much riding on all of this.  Eos wasn't enough to save everyone.

"I can see the charm of Kadara now. I think." Hex told Vetra as they headed back towards the ship, "Well, charm might be a bit strong of a word."

"I'm just glad we made it back from our survey in one piece."

"Yeah. There's a lot to mop up here, but..." Hex said, trailing off with a helpless shrug.

"Kadara's not getting any...cleaner while we're gone." Vetra replied, mandibles twitching with amusement, "Doubt much is going to spontaneously fix itself."

"If there is a vault here, and it takes care of the water, that will do a lot to..."

Her words cut off as she was abruptly jerked backwards by the shoulder, a heavy hand digging in. Luckily armor was in the way, so all she felt was pressure, and no pain. Head spinning, world shifting, she tried to refocus her eyes as she was spun around to face someone looming over her.

She wasn't fast enough.

Some inner instinct had her jerking back, but not enough as a meaty fist slammed into her cheek, throwing her head to the side as she staggered back. Pain, bright and blossoming, but quickly swallowed by the dark surge of adrenaline chasing after it.

The man sneering down at her was human, which meant she knew how to take him down. Wary, but barely armored, pitted, scarred. Big, angry, but not gloating. At least, not yet.

Helmet falling from her hand, blood pooling under her tongue, she didn't bother asking, she just struck back. Punch to the throat, which he wasn't expecting, but should have been. It only took a second, Vetra hadn't even turned when he went down, gagging.

Nasty place to hit, but being sucker punched made her mean.

Her head was still a little hazy, ears ringing, but she just stood over him, forcing herself not to sway or stagger. She licked her bottom lip, feeling the cut inside her mouth protest it, and then spat a glob of blood next to the wheezing man's hand.

"The hell did you do that for?" She asked warily, "There's better targets for a brawl, pumpkin."

"Uh, Ryder? Maybe we'd better just go back to the ship." Vetra suggested, coming up next to her, head turning as people paused to watch.

"I'd like to avoid this happening again. Please don't draw your gun." Hex replied crouching down to scoop up her helmet before someone could steal it, staring down at the man, "So, I'm gonna repeat myself. What the fuck did you do that for?"

"Nexus fucker!  Get out of here, you aren't welcome here." The man finally replied, voice a little raspy, but obviously drunk, "I'll kill you myself!"

He staggered to his feet, weaving in place, and took another swing at her. She just stepped back, reaching up to wipe her mouth as a few drops of blood trailed down to her chin.

"Christ on a..." Hex started, and then sighed as he leaned to the side and retched abruptly, violently, bile and half digested food spattering across the ground, "This is embarrassing. Why don't you go sleep that off."

"Fucking kill you..." He muttered, spitting onto the ground.

"Listen. Guy. I'm wearing full armor. Literally the best gear in this galaxy, bar something I haven't dug up out of the ruins of a civilization lost to the unfathomable whims of time. You don't want to get into a fistfight with me." She infomed him flatly, and then sighed and gently prodded at the side of her mouth, "But...I guess I do owe you. Okay."

Dropping her helmet again, she stripped off her gloves, unsealing them with her thumbs. She wasn't angry, but far be it for her to deny him, and herself some fun.

"Here, I'll hold those for you." Vetra said placidly, taking helmet and gloves from her, "You might want to hurry though, you're drawing kind of a crowd."

"So we'll call it an object lesson." Hex replied dryly, flashing the turian a feral grin.

The audience was bothering her, but that was her life now, not even Kadara was safe for her. Okay. Time to be dad. Channel him, do the thing that needed to be done. Act like a big fat hero and hope the dad in her head was up for the task.

"Pathfinder, the crowd is heavily armed. I recommend against keeping your shield down." Sam interjected.

"That's not sporting, Sam." She said, and then glanced over at the drunken man peering at her, "Don't worry, it's just one of the voices in my head. Square up, buddy, if you really want to fight."

"You're in armor, Nexus." He replied flatly, sounding slightly less vomitous.

"You didn't care before. Square up."

Suddenly reluctant for a guy who was all gung-ho a minute ago, he drew himself up, still wobbling a bit. But he did it, which meant maybe he was more than just a bully. A good sign.

It still wasn't really a fight, though.

He was still staggeringly drunk, so when she elbowed him in the chest and then threw a punch into his jaw to finish knocking him over, he went back down. He landed hard on his shoulderblades, right into the puddle his retching had left, sending it spattering across the ground.

Well, it wasn't like he could smell much _worse_.

Hex would put the boot in right about now (he did sucker punch her), but Hex wasn't in charge right now.

Dazed, clasping a hand to face, he stared up at her as she stepped in and peered down at him, throbbing hand going to her hip. She just stared at him, using the moment of ominous looming to secretly catch her breath, feeling her heart pound away in her chest.

When she could talk without panting, she finally broke the silence.

"What's your name?"

"Erikson." He replied gruffly, and then scowled at her, "Why the fuck do you need to know?"

"I'm Hex." She said, extending her hand down to him.

She didn't want to touch him, her skin was crawling at the thought of it, but it had to be done. She'd knocked him down, now she had to pull him back up again. Then this could be over.

Big fat hero bullshit was so tiring.

Finally his meaty hand grasped hers, clutching tightly as she stepped back and heaved him slowly to his feet. He staggered a bit, leaving him off balance.

Maintaining her grip on his hand, grateful he was still unsteady enough that she could actually overpower him, she pulled him in closer. The scent of rotgut and vomit wasn't pleasant, stinging her nostrils, bringing a sour taste to the back of her throat.

"Sober up." She recommended to him, making sure the crowd the crowd could hear her, "Next time I'm in Port, we'll try this again. Without the armor. Or the sucker punches. If you don't show, I'll make sure no one ever forgets it."

Releasing his hand, she didn't bother waiting for an answer, turning for the doors. She hadn't been expecting the whole crew to be standing there watching, but maybe she should have been. Well, everyone but Lexi and Kallo. A surprise to see Suvi, even, standing talking to Peebee and looking a bit out of place.

She didn't seem to like Hex much, and admittedly, Hex hadn't done much to fix it. Probably should suck it up, do some dad channeling, and play nice. Suvi was good at her job.

"What?" She asked as she approached, taking her helmet and gloves from Vetra as she passed them over, "That was barely a delay."

"It went all right." Cora said, blandly enough that she knew it was grudging.

Rather than let it get to her, she just rolled her shoulders in a shrug and kept trudging onward, tongueing the inside of her lip. Adrenaline was dying, and she could feel the ache of it, and the light throb of her knuckles.

A quick trip to Lexi would take care of it.

Hex caught up to the front of the group, Liam and Jaal stopping their conversation to glance at her as she drew level.

"Vetra said there was going to be a fight." Liam explained to her, grinning faintly, "Not much of one, was it?"

She saw Jaal raise a hand out of the corner of her vision, and picked up her pace just enough to pull ahead of the pair of him. Thwarting his attempt at a comradely clap on the shoulder was one of her defter moves, she thought.

Though if she was expecting him to feel awkward about it, she would have been wrong. Again.

"Well done, Ryder." Jaal told her firmly, dropping his hand.

"Not a fair fight, though. Maybe next time it will be." She replied grimly, shrugging off the compliment.

"Didn't come looking for a fair fight, did he?" Liam pointed out, and then gave a laugh, "We'll see if he comes around again, though, that was brutal."

"Hnh." Hex replied noncommittally, "Let's get out of here. We've got work to do."

"Yes." Jaal said as they turned to head through the doors, "We must go _now_."

Normally she wasn't prone to agreeing with him, but in this case, she was fully on board. She knew the kett kept some angarans in work camps, but the ones in the facility...they had no idea. Even if it was just labor, who knew how many ended up dying?

They needed the Moshae alive, which meant no more distractions.

 

 

 

The kett facility on Voeld was a nightmare.

Everything had been going well, neat and tidy, exactly to plan. They'd breached the shield, and the facility. Even parting ways with the angaran Resistance hadn't resulted in instant death, like she'd feared.

Things going right made the horrific scope of what they were uncovering a little more bearable. Yes, this place was holding way more kidnapped angarans than she even realized. Yes, they were being brainwashed and the kett were some sort of bizarre, malevolent cult.

It was all manageable, until they found out _why._

It'd never been harder to channel her borrowed heroics  than it was in the moment the last kett fell and the cold hard focus faded and left her hollow. Her vision blurred, and then re-focused slowly, bringing the room back to life.

She'd shot the angaran they'd...injected.

It didn't seem fair to chance that Jaal would have to do it.

Her eyes found Vetra first in the dim room, and they shared a look, the turian shaking her head slowly.

"As if I needed another reason to hate the kett." She declared, openly disgusted.

"None of us expected..."

Hex's words died as her attention was drawn to Jaal, his movement out of the corner of her eye pricking at instincts heightened by fear and focus. She watched him sink down next to the dead kett...the dead kett that had been an angaran.

She knew she should go and talk to him him, but she didn't know how. Whatever she thought of him, no matter how much she felt put on the spot by having him around...this was monstrous.

"They are...us."

She heard him whisper it as she approached from behind, footsteps slow and steady. Hesitantly she reached out a hand, and then pulled it back, fisting it at her side. He started sobbing, open and heartbroken, and her discomfort turned into a sharp unease, making her shift awkwardly from foot to foot.

How the hell was she supposed to know what to say? She'd never known how to deal with people, and _this_...

"I'll keep scanning for the Moshae. She's gotta be here somewhere." Vetra declared briskly, turning and walking off to the far corner of the room.

"They are us. How many have I killed, not knowing? Ryder..."

Discomfort rising, she fought the urge to turn around and run away. No, whatever her personal opinions were, right now he was one of her people, and he needed her. He needed her to make sure he finished the job.

He needed the strength to keep going.

_Dad, help me._

"They were already dead. He raised that weapon to us first, whatever they did to him, he wasn't one of your people any more. The person he had been...was already dead."

He breathed in sharply, wavering, and then swallowed, still staring at the body. She stared over his shoulder and tried to remember how to breathe herself.

"There's no comfort in that."

"I wasn't trying to comfort you." She responded flatly, swallowing her own unease. They needed to move. "Jaal, right now...be _angry_."

Silence for a few seconds that ticked by like eons, drawing out as she listened to the hum of the facility, the sounds of Vetra getting on with doing what needed to be done. Finally he breathed out, and his shoulders rose from their despairing slump.

"Yes." He agreed darkly.

She managed to give him a small smack on the arm, stepping back as he rose. There was no time to say anything else, Vetra's shout capturing their attention.

"Ryder, Jaal, she's in here. I found her."

"All right, let's..." She started, the rest of her words dying, lost as Jaal stormed past her, rifle in hand.

Reaching over her own shoulder, she felt her hand slide into place on the comforting grip of her favorite sniper rifle. It slid open smoothly in her hands, with a quiet whine, reassurance as she stalked after the pair.

"We've got this.  Let's give these bastards hell."

She couldn't count on much, but they had to count on her.

For just a little longer.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

_I would like to stay._

He'd said it so goddamn hopefully, standing outside of the medbay. He'd thanked her for saving lives even though the Moshae had been angry with her. She honestly didn't _care_ if the Moshae was angry with her, as long as she still got to see the vault. They were en-route to Aya now, with just enough time to relax, take a second to breathe.

She'd deferred to the others for the shower, because she needed some time to hide and process, and to come to terms with the fact that she'd said yes. She'd said _yes_.

He got along with almost everyone, Liam liked him. He'd been suspicious before, but all it had taken was a little fighting together, it seemed. Somehow she seemed to have earned his trust, despite not having wanted it. The exchange of information was important. They were learning a lot about the angara, their new neighbors.

A million good reasons, and none of them actually should have mattered to her. She didn't like him.

But she'd still said yes.

Out of her armor at last, and into a sports bra and tight, mid-calf pants after her shower, she was starting to feel human again. Her hair really wasn't long enough to do up properly, but she scraped it back anyways, examining herself in the mirror.

Her roots were growing in, dark blonde-brown, and she'd forgotten to pick up something to rectify that. Too noticeable, the contrast of it against the pitch black.

"Gross, I'll start looking like Orion." She muttered at her reflection, and then twisted up her hair into a short ponytail, pieces already tumbling into her face.

It was probably what had happened at the kett facility. The vulnerability that was so easy for Jaal, the oddly protective way she'd felt. He'd been one of her people then, and it seemed to have stuck around. For better or worse.

He had a place here now, despite her.

Her naked face in the mirror made her uncomfortable, felt very not her, and so she quickly ducked out of the bathroom. The door to her quarters was open, but she'd been expecting that. Lexi had been...convincing.

By which she meant vaguely threatening about Hex's refusal to talk about her medical issues.

It wasn't any surprise that Cora's mat was laid out waiting for her, but Kallo was there as well, talking to Lexi. Well, would wonders never cease?

"I didn't know you did yoga." She told him, moving towards her desk.

"I didn't know you were a blonde." Kallo replied tartly, surprising her into a snort of amusement.

"Only genetically." She assured, reaching for her eyeliner, "My soul is nothing but an unending morass of stygian emptiness."

She shifted her eyes over, meeting his slightly sour expression in the mirror. She couldn't help the faint smirk, and he sighed exasperatedly.

"I really don't know how you can say things like that seriously."

"Practice. Hyperbole is a hard habit to break." Hex said, sobering up at her reflection as she swiped on her eyeliner with practiced ease. Could get it put on permanently, or semi-permanently, but she'd never seen the point, stifled creativity. "Plus, it confuses and annoys people."

"Speaking of confusion..." Lexi interrupted gently, "Hecate, may I ask why you need my records on the kett you brought me for examination?

"Sam and I are cobbling up a three-dimensional holo I can study for combat. I realize it's not strictly necessary, but it makes me feel prepared." Hex replied, lifting her shoulders, straightening up. "Your data added to his scans gives me a more complete picture. You know, find spots where the external bone...carapace armor doesn't cover, organ locations, or...where they lack organs in some cases, huh?"

"It is very interesting..." Lexi agreed, frowning.

"What is?"

Glancing up, closing her eyeliner, Hex met Peebee's stare from the doorway. The asari was leaning against it, mug in hand, ankles crossed.

"Kett don't have babymakers or associated organs." Hex explained, hiding a grin at Kallo's scoff. Probably her choice of words. "At all. Like they were removed in the...ugh, exaltation process. Can we not use that word? It makes it sound like a _good_ thing."

"Really." Peebee replied, and then gave a faint 'huh'. "What about the angara?"

"For the last time, my patient information is private." Lexi said, sounding a bit irritable.

"I _know_! You don't have to get testy." Peebee sniped, admitting as Hex raised an eyebrow, "I was just curious."

"Let's not cause an inter-species incident by asking our resident angaran..." Hex started, only to trail off as another voice spoke up.

"Asking me what?"

Kallo groaned loudly as-- with predictably comedic timing-- Jaal popped into view from the left. Peebee laughed into her cup, trying to hide it and failing. His eyes were fixed on Hex, which, unfortunately, meant it was up to her. She froze, words escaping her at first, mouth starting to go dry.

She hated being put on the spot.

"Unless you meant the Moshae? She is resting at the moment, but if there's something you need, I can try to help you."

It wasn't the questions. In other circumstances, it might be scientific curiosity. In a different one, it might be funny. At the moment, though, all she could think about was him kneeling in front of that dead kett, and suddenly the question had gone from an amusing (and hilariously inappropriate) interspecies learning moment to incredibly insensitive.

Preventing anyone from saying anything was the only reason she could force herself to speak up, with the first thing that came to her mind.

"Sam's making me a kett holo so I can perfect my stabbing." She said, before Peebee could open her mouth. Not that she thought she would be so insensitive, not after what they'd discovered, but Hex was firmly on the side of 'better safe than sorry'. "I know the Resistance probably has some techniques. Pointers. But I didn't want to bother you about it. Considering."

Did that work? She hoped so. Peebee smirked at her, and she narrowed her eyes minutely before glancing back at Jaal, staring over his left shoulder. In passing, her eyes had shifted across his face enough to realize that he looked...pleased about it.

_Oh no._

"Yes! That sounds like an _excellent_ idea, Ryder!" Jaal said, with very little of his usual ponderous pause.

"Grrrreat." She replied in an uncomfortable slur, trying to stifle the flood of irritable cursing on her mind, keep it from touching her expression. Granted, her expression was probably pretty awkward and wooden right now, but with any luck, he wouldn't be able to tell.

"Shooting them seems to work fine, you know." Peebee pointed out, faint smug smile still in place.

"I like stabbing things. And being prepared." She muttered, lifting her shoulders in a shrug, "Great. Okay. We got yoga to do so I can find inner calm or something like that..."

"Now that would be a miracle. Count me out." Peebee declared, pushing off from the wall and turning to wander off.

"And count me in." Cora said, appearing out of the hallway, glancing over her shoulder as she passed by Jaal, "You just observing?"

She stepped past him, heading for her mat. With a sigh of relief, Kallo did the same. He tended to put on that 'long suffering' thing, but underneath it he was less uptight than he seemed. Hex could deal with that.

"Observing..." Jaal murmured, and then confessed, "I do not know what...yoga is."

"It's a series of meditative exercises designed to help one gain control over their body. It is originally human, but the asari have perfected it." Lexi lectured pleasantly, "There are modified versions for the physical restrictions of different species. I could show you the quarian..."

"Maybe some other time?" Hex interrupted, trying not to sound too impatient, "I was told I have to twist myself into a pretzel for my health, and I'd like to get on with it."

"Of course, sorry Ryder." Lexi apologized quickly.

Pacing over to her mat, she kicked it, and then sighed as the irritable motion just sent it rolling across the floor. Pacing after it, she scooped it up and shook it out, listening to Jaal asking Cora what a pretzel was.

Hmm, pretzels. She'd have to see if Vetra could find some. Maybe the chocolate covered ones.

Pondering it over, she padded onto the mat and bounced on the ball of her feet a couple times, before spreading her legs. Ouch. A little ache there, in the groin muscle as she slid down into the side splits. A good thing, that stretch, but it reminded her all over again that she spent way too much time in heavy armor.

Out of practice.

"You look a bit stiff. When was the last time you spent any time on your gymnastics?" Lexi asked her.

"Ages. Never seem to have the space." Hex admitted, grimacing a bit as stretched to either side and then straightened up, reaching down to rub her lower back. Was that a twinge there, too? Crap. "Where am I going to fit a tumbling mat around here?"

"A fair point."

She was rising back to her feet when she heard a faint clear of a throat behind her. Not bothering to stifle the roll of her eyes, she sighed and rubbed her back again, before bending over to grab her ankles. Ouch, yeah, another few twinges there, and then the slow, burning stretch.

Good thing she happened to like the feeling. Bad that she was so out of shape.

"Ryder, I was hoping that we could...speak." Jaal started to say, and then stopped, abruptly, clearing his throat again before continuing less confidently, "When you are...finished, of course. But...before we arrive on Aya."

"I guess! You could talk now." She replied, trying to hide a smirk. Was she making him uncomfortable?

That was almost funny.

"No, no. I would not want to interrupt. I will go...and speak with the Moshae."

She didn't bother straightening up. She could use the stretch, and besides, for some reason it was making him feel awkward.  Good.  Someone else should feel awkward for once.

She managed to hide her laughter until she was sure he was gone.

 

 

 

Unfortunately, of course, once she'd finished trying to beat her body into submission and was waiting for the muscle relaxant to kick in, Hex remembered that she'd said he could come and talk to her. Damn it.

The things she did to keep the peace.

Like...talking. Yuck. Hopefully it was just a logistics thing, or he had some intel to give her, or something. That she could handle. Business. Not that she was good at it, but pretending to be dad usually got her through those with a minimum of fuss.  Dad was good at that stuff.  Less so at the being a dad, but hey, she hadn't exactly been a good daughter.

Jaal stood behind her as she stared into the mirror, watching both herself and his reflection. Throwing down her towel, she raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"You don't seem...pleased." He finally said, crushing all her hopes into a fine powder, "You said that I may stay, but you seem displeased by it."

"Am I supposed to be pleased?" She asked sardonically, tugging her hair out of its ponytail, "I said yes, that should be enough. Is it not?"

"It would be far preferable to feel...welcome here." Jaal said, words slow and carefully considered.

"So people aren't being very accepting? Okay, that's fine. Just let me know who, and I'll deal with it." She muttered, reaching for her brush, "Who is it? If it's Gil, he might just be teasing you, you know. That's just his sense of..."

"It's you." Jaal interrupted quietly.

Oh. Well, maybe she hadn't been doing as good of a job at dealing with things as she'd thought. Hadn't been keeping it vague enough. She'd tried, and apparently failed.

At least failure was something she was good at.

Dragging the brush through her hair, she stared at him in the mirror, eyes slightly narrowed in her consideration. Finally she sighed, smacking the brush down onto the corner desk.

"Are we at a point where I'm going to be...damaging angaran relations if I'm honest with you?" She asked, far too tired of putting on a good face to continue. "Because you asked, and I'd like to answer, but I also don't want you telling Evfra that I'm an irredeemable asshole who has single-handedly doomed a million people because I can't smile and play good girl."

"You saved the Moshae." Jaal replied, seeming the slightest bit flustered, "Are you saying that you don't...like me?"

"We saved her.  Not me.  I'm willing to work with you. I'm not going to act with any prejudice, to the best of my ability. If you think I'm treating you differently, you're free to say so." She replied, rather than answering his direct question, "If you've asked to stay here, you apparently can live under my command, so if this changes that, just let me know."

"So...you don't like me." Jaal replied, irritatingly direct yet again, sounding rather puzzled, "I like you."

"I liked you better when you didn't like us." She replied darkly, and then sighed when he just peered at her with all the more confusion, "Can we just drop this? Call it a conflict of personalities."

"I would rather not. How can we resolve this if we do not discuss it?" Jaal said, a faint 'hrmph' escaping him after his words.

"I don't _want_ to resolve it." She replied pointedly, and then let out a slow breath, closing her eyes, leaning on her words pointedly, "I don't have to like you, Jaal, to work with you."

"Yes. I realize that. I would prefer, however, that you did. Are you saying you would like it if I left?"

"No!" She declared irritably, squinting her eyes tighter, "That isn't what I said!"

"I don't know what it is that you want." He declared, starting to sound frustrated himself.

Despite her attempts to stay cool, she could feel control slipping out of her fingers. Slapping both hands over her face, she turned and rested her ass against the desk, letting out a long sigh. Thankfully he didn't interrupt, but he didn't leave, either.

"For this conversation to be over." She groaned, fingers digging into her forehead in the hopes of quelling her churning mind. "Jaal, that is what I fucking want. For the complete cessation of this topic, for it to never again pass mortal lips. For even the memory itself to die, lost to the ravages of ruthless time. I want...I want to go back in time and shoot myself point-blank in the skull so that this conversation never occurs. I want..."

"I believe I understand what you are trying to say." Jaal said flatly, interrupting her, "Why, then, did you invite me to your training?"

Should she bother being honest? Well, he had been warned.

It wasn't like she was looking for a miscommunication comedy of errors here. No thanks. That wasn't her sort of trope. Nothing stupider than people fucking things up because they wouldn't talk for ten seconds and sort things out.

"Because Peebee was about to ask you a potentially rude question about angaran genitals and I was trying to prevent it. I've been trying to be as pleasant as possible because it's politically smart, not because I want to be." She admitted, hands still over her face. "That's the only reason."

Silence from him, long enough that she was worried she'd miscalculated. Him wanting honesty and it being a good idea were two completely separate things. Half of the time when people asked for honesty, they didn't actually want it.

"I need to think." Jaal said finally, quietly. "Thank you for telling me the truth."

"Sure. Not a problem. We'll be at Aya soon, so if you decide..." She started, trailing off when she heard her door open.

Opening her eyes and letting her hands fall limply to her sides, she glanced to the side and watched the door close behind him. Lips twisting to the side, she let out a heavy breath through her nose.

"Well, he asked." She muttered, crossing her arms and letting out a breath.

Why she felt guilty, she couldn't say, but she'd be damned if she was going to let it affect anything. He'd either stay, and deal with her the way she was, or he'd leave.

 

Orion had better hurry and wake up, before she ruined everything.

 

 


End file.
